


Ancient Nightmares

by Antares



Category: Stargate Atlantis
Genre: Friendship/Love, Hurt John Sheppard, M/M, Sleepwalking, Supernatural Elements, Transformation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-22
Updated: 2019-12-22
Packaged: 2021-02-25 21:55:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,927
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21902608
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Antares/pseuds/Antares
Summary: Rodney tries to find out why John is always so tired lately.
Relationships: Rodney McKay/John Sheppard
Comments: 10
Kudos: 69
Collections: Stargate Atlantis Secret Santa 2019





	Ancient Nightmares

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Tarlan](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tarlan/gifts).



> Many, many thanks to my wonderful beta-reader Shazzz!

Rodney was an extremely accurate and fussy observer when a scientific experiment was involved but not so much when people were a part of it. But even he had noticed how tired and exhausted Sheppard looked. But of course, the colonel was still insisting on his ‘everything-is-fine’ spiel. 

‘Fine’ didn’t seem to be the right word because he had slept through four of the five movie nights they had during the last week. And those movies hadn’t been French arthouse productions with English subtitles – no, there had been lots of explosions, gun fights, and wild car chases been going on. John had slept through it all like a baby. 

So, the question was, what was causing this tiredness? Rodney planned on finding out tonight. After all, it wasn’t only Sheppard’s problem when he couldn’t hold his eyes open during a mission. It also concerned the rest of the team. Yes, Rodney liked to be sure that the military commander who was charged with protecting his - very valuable – ass on their missions was in top condition. 

Rodney knocked on John’s door. His answer was a muffled, “I’m sleeping. Go away, if it’s not life-threatening.” Was it life-threatening? Perhaps not today, but surely in the future. Rodney opened the door with his override code and entered. 

Before John could complain, Rodney quickly said, “I brought beer, an old DVD, and something with cheese from the mess hall.” Dropping everything unceremoniously on the bed, Rodney snatched Sheppard’s laptop from the floor, and flopped down on the bed beside him. 

Fortunately, a few months ago, they all had traded their small beds for larger mattresses from the guest quarters. But nevertheless, Rodney elbowed his friend to make a bit more room for him. “Here we go,” he said and put the DVD in the laptop. “Now sit back and relax.”

“Hey, I was very relaxed before you invaded my room so ruthlessly,” John complained, but he was already munching on one of the cheese thingies, so Rodney thought that he was forgiven for his interruption.

Ten minutes into the film, Sheppard started snoring softly, his head leaning on Rodney’s shoulder. Huh, that was even faster than usual. Not that Rodney minded. He loved feeling John so close to him, loved it when John’s breath tickled the soft skin on his neck. But now was not the time for such romantic claptrap. Rodney sighed. He wasn’t here for his own amusement but to collect data on John’s sleep patterns. 

He was half an hour into the second film when John got agitated. He moaned softly and started mumbling. After a moment, Rodney understood individual words like “flying”, “sky” and “wings”. Well, it wasn’t really a surprise that a pilot was dreaming about flying. Rodney hoped they were nice dreams. He yawned and decided to get a bit of sleep himself in John’s bed because Rodney wasn’t finished collecting data yet. 

While he was still sorting out the sheets, John suddenly got up from the bed and started walking aimlessly around in his room. 

“John?” 

John turned to Rodney and stared at him with glassy eyes and a blank expression. His pupils were dilated, and he seemed to look right through Rodney. Oh, no, he was sleepwalking! Rodney tried to recall what to do in a situation like this. He remembered dimly that waking up the person wasn’t an option. He got up and steered John gently back to the bed, where he fell asleep again.

This happened two more times during the night and in the morning, John looked a bit better than the day before, but Rodney was yawning constantly. During breakfast he tried to talk to Sheppard about his sleepwalking, but the other man didn’t want to discuss it. He told Rodney that Carson had done every available test on him and all the results had to come back negative. There was nothing wrong with him from a medical point of view.

John made a dismissive gesture with his hand. “I’m wandering around a bit in my quarters during the night. So what? That’s not illegal.”

“No, it isn’t.”

“Then let’s not overreact.”

Rodney wasn’t convinced, but they had to attend to a staff meeting, then there was an emergency with the transportation system, and it was after dinner before he found time to speak to John again.

Radek had given him a Star Trek themed chessboard, and Rodney planned to initiate ‘Phase II’ of his Sheppard–sleeping–experiment over a game of chess. But they got so caught up in the new game, that after two and a half hours they ended with a draw, and not one single word had been said about John’s sleepwalking. 

John said ‘good night’ to him and tried to coax him out the door, but Rodney insisted on showing him the latest video the geologists had turned on Cenerias IV. John acquiesced reluctantly, and Rodney started his boring presentation. It worked, and 15 minutes in John was sleeping again.

Rodney tried to stay awake, but his eyelids got heavier and heavier. He woke up startled, when something crashed to the floor. He switched on the bedside table light and saw that Sheppard was sleepwalking again and had run into a chair. 

“Oh for heaven’s sake, come back to bed,” Rodney mumbled and got up himself. In the meantime, John had reached the balcony door and was opening it.

“No, no, no. You idiot!” Rodney jumped out of bed and ran after Sheppard who set his foot on the balcony. Rodney reached him just when John tried to climb on the railing. He grabbed John’s arm and pulled him back.

“Why are you keeping me from flying?” John asked in a clear voice, but Rodney saw that his eyes were still looking right through him.

Right, sleepwalking persons where meant to talk nonsense. 

“I’m not keeping you from flying, I …, I …,” Rodney frantically searched for a logical answer John would understand in his fogged mind. “Uhm …, Come with me. The wind is better for flying where we are going now,” Rodney said and hoped that Sheppard would understand his logic.

Obviously, he’d gotten through to him because John stopped his attempts to climb on the railing. “Okay. You’re the genius, I trust you.”

“Thank you very much.” Rodney was so relieved that he closed his eyes for a second. Gently, he maneuvered John back to the room and closed the balcony door. Then he ordered the computer to open the door only when **he** said it.

Okay, time for a little chat. It was one thing, to spend your nights sleepwalking in your own apartment but it was a totally different thing if you wanted to jump from one of the highest towers in Atlantis because you were convinced that you could fly. 

“Wake up, John!” He shook him none too gently. “Oh, come on! Wake up!” 

John moaned and stirred and awoke with a gasp. He quickly looked around him as if he had to find out where he was. His eyes lingered for a moment on Rodney’s hands on his arms, before he asked, “Why are you … are we … standing in the middle of the room?”

“We are in the middle of the room because you were sleepwalking again.” 

Rodney pushed John onto a chair and sat down heavily on another chair right in front of John. 

“We will talk now. No excuse, no euphemisms, no omissions, you will tell me the truth.”

“Why?” John gave him a lopsided grin, totally missing how important this was. 

“Why? Why?” Rodney looked at John incredulously. “Because you were so close,” Rodney pressed his forefinger and index finger together and held them right in front of John’s eyes, “to jumping from the balcony!”

“I was not...”

Rodney interrupted immediately. “You were! You wanted to fly from Atlantis’ tower - without a puddle jumper I have to add.” Rodney couldn’t prevent that his voice got shriller with every word.

John rubbed his forehead with his fingers. “Wow … that’s …” 

“Now, spill it! Since when do you think you are an eagle, or a falcon, or whatever?”

“I really wanted to jump from the tower?” John asked. He seemed rather shaken by this prospect.

“Yes.” He wouldn’t sugarcoat it for John. “So it’s high time we have this discussion.”

John licked his lower lip then he said softly, “A pelican.”

“What?” Was he still talking nonsense?

“I thought I was a pelican,” John said and looked Rodney directly in the eyes.

For a second Rodney wanted to giggle when he thought of the plump bird, his beak full of fish. But then it hit him. John had just admitted to a severe psychological disorder, and he choked on the word, “Pelican?”

John nodded. “I don’t know, why not something more majestic?” He shrugged his shoulders and gave Rodney a little apologetic smile. 

“Pelicans are okay,” Rodney said rather helplessly. He pulled himself together. “Let’s start at the beginning. When did you start feeling like a ... Pelican? And what other symptoms do you have?”

Rodney was prepared for a dismissive answer, but to his surprise John said, “Since we returned from Novalta.” 

“The planet with the distant relatives of the Ancients that weren’t able to ascend?” Rodney frowned. “That was nearly 2 weeks ago.”

“I know,” John said. “When we returned, I thought I had caught a cold. My joints were aching, and I felt very listless, and worn out. I went to see Carson, but he assured me that everything was okay. So, I thought it was okay, and I was just getting old.”

“Okay.” Rodney snorted. “But what about the whole feeling like a bird part?”

“I didn’t tell Carson,” John said sheepishly. “I thought it wasn’t important. Strange dreams, nothing else.”

“Dreams that nearly killed you!” Rodney tried to jump up from his chair. 

But John held him back by grabbing his hand. “I didn’t know about the sleepwalking until you told me.”

Rodney harrumphed. “Unfortunately, that makes sense.” He looked from their joined fingers to John’s face. “We have to return to that planet. Find out why you have those dreams, those dangerous hallucinations. Perhaps those people have heard about it and have a solution. And if not, at least we ruled out the planet as the source of your … little pelican problem. We have to go.”

John didn’t protest, and that worried Rodney even more.

\---------------------------------------------------------

The next day they were on their way to Novalta. After parking their puddle jumper near the university, they were greeted by the same people they had stayed with the last time. Magistra Melvia and Patrona Valunda seemed happy to see them again. Rodney couldn’t detect any animosity - but then he wasn’t really the best person to ask.

While Ronon and Teyla profited from this unexpected second visit and went shopping at the market, John and Rodney accompanied Melvia and Valunda to their office in the university. After being offered a cup of a coffee-like drink and listening for some minutes to some mundane chitchat between John and their hosts, Rodney got impatient.

He put his cup forcefully down on the table. “Yes, yes, this is all very lovely. But we are here because I have … John has a very important question for you.”

“Oh, I’m sorry. Please, what do you want to know?” The Magistra turned to John and smiled at him openly.

“I am … the thing is … I haven’t been feeling well since we left you two weeks ago. Now I’m asking myself, if perhaps I contracted a flu virus which our doctor can’t detect with his equipment. I’m suffering from severe pain in my joints,” John said.

“John? I think that’s not your biggest problem.” Rodney bumped his knee against John’s knee. “Tell them.”

John gave Rodney a nasty look, but Rodney stared back.

“Fine.” John sighed deeply. “I also have dreams of flying, and I wander around at night, sleepwalking.”

“He went to the balcony, tried to climb on the railing, and would have thrown himself into the sea if I hadn’t stopped him,” Rodney corrected him brutally. “He thought he was a bird.” 

John turned his cup in his fingers, looked into it as if it held answers, and said, “He’s right.”

Rodney didn’t miss the quick look that Valunda was giving Melvia. Oh, no. They weren’t really surprised. Was that a good or bad sign? Was this a condition they could heal without a problem, or was it more of a “he will be dead soon”- look? At least, it seemed it had been a good idea to come here again to get some answers.

Valunda nodded nearly imperceptibly and Melvia turned to John again. “May I ask you if you have the ancient gene?”

The answer was already on Rodney’s tongue, but he swallowed and gave John the chance to answer for himself.

John hesitated, but then he replied, “Yes. Some of our people have the Ancient gene. I’m one of them.” He crossed his arms in front of him.

“Thank you for being so honest,” Melvia said. “I know it isn’t always easy to admit it, because there are lots of people out there who would like to get their hands on a gene carrier and use them for operating Ancient artifacts.”

But before Rodney could imagine a detailed worst-case scenario in his head where they kept John and him prisoners and used them for their genes, the Magistra continued to speak.

“Before I answer your question, I have to tell you something about our history.” She leaned back in her chair. 

“The Ancients who lived in Atlantis, or one of the other flying cities, and ourselves, the Novaltarians, have common ancestors. There was a time, millennia ago, when we had to decide what to do against the Wraith. There were two factions among our ancestors: one that was trying to use their mental powers to ascend, and one that didn’t want to give up their bodies in favor of a purely mental existence.”

“You’re saying you’re one part of the descendants of the Ancients that made the fully conscious decision not to ascend, although perhaps you could?” John wanted to know.

The two women nodded. “Yes.” 

“But how did you fight against the Wraith? How did you survive so long? Even the mighty city of Atlantis was abandoned in the end,” Rodney interrupted. 

“That’s because they put all their effort into even bigger weapons and in more and more sophisticated defense systems. We did the exact contrary. We became ‘invisible’ for the Wraith.”

“How is that related to my sleepwalking and my desire to throw myself from a tower?” John asked a little bit impatiently.

Rodney wasn’t as good as John in suppressing his annoyance. “Exactly! That history lesson may be very interesting for a historian, but how does it help John?” 

Melvia smiled. “Don’t be so impatient,” she admonished Rodney. “I come to that point now.”

“About time,” Rodney mumbled, and John gave him a stern look. Rodney shrugged his shoulders.

“You certainly know that the Wraith prefer to nourish themselves on human beings. There are only rare cases documented where they fed on other mammals. So, we used, and still use, our mental ability to change into something that is not on their menu. A bird, a fish, or even an insect for example. They come to our settlements and all they find is a place where only animals live. Sometimes they vandalize our abandoned houses, because they are fuming that they can’t find anything to eat. But that’s it. Usually they disappear after a very short time and don’t come back. And if they come back, we know what to do. Change into something they don’t want to feed on.”

“Hiding in plain sight. That’s clever.” Rodney pursed his lips appreciatively. 

John frowned. “You say, I may have your version of the Ancient gene? Perhaps I also have this ability to change? And while visiting your planet, somehow my gene was… triggered? But instead of having the wish to ascend, I now have the wish to fly? To change into an animal, in my case a bird?”

Patrona Valunda bent slightly forward. “Yes, it seems that your Ancient gene comes from our side of the Ancients. Not only the inhabitants of the cities went to other galaxies, also our forefathers and foremothers did. That’s why it’s also found in people from other galaxies. And it doesn’t matter which type of Ancient gene you inherited; it has no impact whatsoever on your ability to operate Ancient technology. But yes, if the gene comes from our gene pool, you should have the ability to change into another being. If your gene is strong enough.”

The magistra continued. “After everything you told us, we assume this gene is what’s causing the ache in your joints. We see it often in our children before they have the mental maturity to go through with this transformation.” Melvia gave John a concerned look. “Unfortunately, if your gene isn’t strong enough, we can’t do anything for you, you will continue to suffer from this pain. But otherwise, I’m quite sure that after the first transformation, your pain will be gone.”

Rodney couldn’t sit still any longer. He sprung from his chair and asked in an excited voice, “You really think that John can become the pelican he’s dreaming about?”

“I think that the pelican is only some sort of metaphor for my wish to fly. I’m quite sure I could change into something else.” John was squirming on his seat.

“But you …!” Rodney barked

Melvia intervened. “Gentlemen! Changing into a bird is still a few steps away. You must start with something that is closer your physiology. For example, another person. As a grown up, it is forbidden to change into another person, but for educational purposes, it is allowed.” She looked at John expectantly. “Do you want to try it?”

“Absolutely! Let’s try it.” John nodded vehemently.

“Wait, wait! We need to address some security questions first. Is it dangerous, will it affect his health, his mental sanity? Will he be able to change back without problem? What happens if he gets ‘stuck’ in the other person?” Rodney looked from Melvia to John. Surely, they wouldn’t start into this experiment without some ground rules?

“You can’t get ‘stuck’ in another person,” Melvia explained. “It demands a lot of effort to continue in your new form. If you are a beginner to this, if you are still learning, you automatically change back after a few seconds because you lack the mental strength. Only after a lot of experience you are able to hold that form for a longer period.”

“So, it’s safe to try it?” John asked eagerly, rubbing his hands together.

“Yes.” She made an inviting gesture with her hand. 

“What do I do exactly?” 

“You’re really going to do this?” Rodney asked. He was very suspicious that not everything would go as smoothly as John obviously thought. There was always something the friendly aliens had forgotten to mention. 

“Yes. I have to. Look, Rodney, at least I’ll have wings the next time I have the urgent wish to jump from my balcony.” John grinned. 

“That’s not funny, Sheppard!” How could John make a joke about it? “If I hadn’t been in your room at that time, you would be dead by now!” 

“I… I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have made fun of it. I can imagine how scary that must have been for you.” John hesitated for a second but then he took Rodney’s hand in his and said again, “Sorry.” 

John looked very sincere, and Rodney wanted to believe him. Therefore, he said in a friendlier tone than he had planned to, “Okay. Apology accepted.” I …” Rodney searched frantically for something else to say, because then perhaps John would continue holding his hand which felt really, really nice. Before he came up with something not too dumb, and not too bold, Melvia interrupted this special moment. 

“It’s not sure, that he would be dead by now. There are reported and documented cases that in situations of great stress, people were able to change within seconds, and without prior training.” 

Rodney turned to Melvia. “That is so not helping! Does he look like he needs encouragement to do more dangerous and crazy things?” 

John chuckled, and the two women grinned. “Dr. McKay, I assure you, that when we try it now, in this room, nothing dangerous will happen.” 

Rodney sighed and nodded. “Then let’s do it.” 

John pressed Rodney’s hand. “Thank you for your permission.” Amusement was dancing in his eyes. 

“Moron,” Rodney mumbled. 

John decided to change into Rodney’s form because he was the closest in physiology he could find. Melvia and Valunda gave John instructions how to best reach a status in which the transformation would be easiest, teaching him how to breathe and how to concentrate. John had two failed attempts where he was wavering between Rodney and John – but as Melvia had promised, when he couldn’t hold the form, he turned back into being John. 

Rodney let out a deep, relieved breath because for a second he had thought that John would be stuck forever in the in-between, wobbling. 

Giving up wasn’t a chapter in John’s textbook, he tried again, and this time he really looked like Rodney for a second. A Rodney dressed in a black t-shirt and black trousers that seemed at least one size too small. 

“Perfect! Like that!” Melvia encouraged him. 

And the next time, John was able to hold his new form a moment longer and even asking in Rodney’s voice, “How do I look?” 

“You’re a handsome guy,” Rodney teased. 

John laughed, lost his concentration and was back to his own form again. 

“You did it! You really changed!” Enthusiasm was bubbling up in Rodney. What a wonderful surprise! The last time he had felt so great about a new discovery was when they had found the personal shield and John had shot him, and … okay, that episode had had its downside, and suddenly Rodney hoped that this whole transformation thing didn’t have a catch to it. Some long-term side-effect that wasn’t known yet. Better tell John to act cautiously with this new-found ability. 

“Now I’ll try something more difficult,” he heard John say. 

Of course. John would try it, so perhaps he better be trained while he was still supervised by the two scientists who hopefully knew how much he could stand. 

“One word of warning. If you change into something that has a very different size and shape than you, you should take your clothes off before. Otherwise they’ll rip or you will be buried under a heap of fabric.” 

“Oh.” For a second John looked as if he would abandon the project. Then he straightened himself. “Fine. One more ‘Rodney’ and then I’ll start with the animals.” After holding Rodney’s form for nearly a minute while he walked around the room, John went to one of the chairs and started taking off his clothes. 

This wasn’t the first time Rodney saw John naked, because there were always situations during missions where it was necessary to take a bath in a lake because they were smeared with green slime from head to toe. Or their clothes were soaked wet, and if they didn’t want to die of hypothermia, they had to undress and put on new clothes. 

But now it felt a bit different. John wasn’t forced to do it, John wanted to do it. And John was the only one naked. Gloriously naked. Rodney’s mouth went dry, and even if he knew that it wasn’t very professional, and that John perhaps would have liked a bit more privacy, and considering that it was a really, really bad idea to stare like he did, he just couldn’t help himself. 

The moment Rodney found the strength to look away, John changed into a chimpanzee and Rodney had to watch again. It was clear that it needed a lot of experience to balance the new weight distribution in the body, because John landed heavily on his ass. Then he used all four legs for walking, and it worked much better. 

Rodney was in awe – and he found it rather strange to know that this non-human being was still John. It was clear that John kept all his mental abilities in his new form, because he was still able to follow a conversation. Although he had lost the ability to speak, he answered in some sort of sign-language. 

With the encouragement of the two women, John transformed into a smaller ape, a dog, and a horse. It was clear that he was exhausted, and he promised Rodney to stop – immediately after he had changed into a pelican. 

“Okay, do the pelican, but then we go home.” Rodney winked at John. 

John grinned, and with a last big effort he concentrated once more and slowly, slowly changed into the large white bird with the yellow-orange beak and feet. John in bird form opened his wings and Rodney estimated that the wingspan measured at least a hundred inches. He was overwhelmed. This bird was much more majestic and impressive than he had imagined. “Wow!”

Before he could stretch out his hand and touch the wings, John lost control and changed back to his own self. He was sitting on the floor, breathing laboriously, and obviously more exhausted than before, but when he looked up, Rodney saw so much happiness and bliss in John’s eyes that he swallowed his angry remarks. 

Rodney fetched John’s clothes and put them beside John. While he got dressed Melvia and Valunda advised him to continue his training – but not do overdo it. 

“It’s like learning languages, better thirty minutes each day, than once a week for five hours,” Valunda explained. 

“Do you think it also will work on Atlantis?” John wanted to know. 

“Of course. We can do it, wherever we want. It’s not restricted to this planet, or a planet with a history of Ancient settlements. Once your gene is activated and you know what to do, you can change into another life-form.” 

“Cool.” John beamed at all three of them. 

“It seems someone already got his Christmas present,” Rodney said. 

“Yeah, it feels like it,” John admitted. “And the best thing is, the pain in my joints is gone. And the tiredness I feel now is totally different from the deep fatigue I was experiencing before.” 

They said good-bye to Melvia and Valunda, who made them promise to come back if there was ever a problem, or if they had more questions. Rodney was very relieved that this time the friendly aliens had been friendly indeed. 

When they contacted the jumper, Teyla and Ronon told them that they were already waiting in the ship where they had brought and stored all their purchases, and where now indulging in the famous Novaltarian mini-cakes they had bought. 

“We’ll be there in ten minutes,“ Sheppard told them and they started their way back. 

“So, would you say, that my idea to come here was a great idea?” Rodney asked eagerly while falling into step beside John. 

“Yes, Rodney.” 

“Good.” Rodney couldn’t prevent sounding very smug. 

“I mean, we learned a lot of things today.”

“We did,” Rodney agreed. 

“For example, that you can’t keep your eyes off me when I’m naked.” John said out of the blue. He stopped, which made Rodney stop, too. 

So, John had noticed it after all. Rodney felt the heat flush into his cheeks. He looked into John’s face expecting to see how furious the other man was. But John’s expression was very neutral. The typical Sheppard poker face. 

“I … I’m sorry?” Rodney ventured. When John didn’t answer immediately, he changed tactics and stormed forward. “I mean, it’s your fault, not mine. You looked so sure of yourself, so self-confident in the nude. So…, so… gorgeous. There, I said it. You happy now?” Rodney gave John a defiant look. 

“Yep.” 

“What?” What type of answer was that? Was John making fun of him? 

“I’m glad it wasn’t scientific curiosity that made you stare.” 

Rodney sighed. “I was totally unprofessional at that moment.” 

This answer seemed to please John immensely, because he smiled and said, “I could do another transformation for you, later in your room.” 

“But the magistra said …” Then he realized what John’s offer also meant – lots and lots of magnificent nakedness – and added hastily, “Yes, yes! Absolutely!” 

“I’m glad you’re so enthusiastic,” John said. But if it was meant flippantly, he failed big way. His voice was a bit deeper than usual, and Rodney would bet his first Nobel Prize that there was also a lot of need and hunger in John’s voice. And his look. Somehow John was undressing him with his eyes – or, Rodney was already totally besotted by the prospect of sex, that he interpreted romantic feelings into an ordinary facial expression. He cleared his throat.

“We are so doing this,” he blurted out instead of the dignified, grown-up answer he thought he would give. 

“We sure are. I’ll fly us home as fast as I can.” John laughed and Rodney felt warmth spread through his body, loving that he was able to make John laugh so carefree. 

Of course, they didn’t walk back to the jumper handholding, but when John’s hand brushed from time to time against Rodney’s, he interpreted it as a promise for more to come.

\--------------- THE END -------------

©November-December 2019 


End file.
